Crimson Rivers: Angels of the Apocalypse (movie review)
Crimson Rivers: Angels of the Apocalypse (2004)

Directed by Olivier Dahan
Starring Jean Reno, Benoît Magimel, Christopher Lee

The sequel to Crimson Rivers (2000), Angels of the Apocalypse sees Commissaire Pierre Niemans embroiled in another murder investigation with more twists and turns than… something that seems applicable.

This time, he finds himself partnered with rookie police inspector Reda and religious studies expert Marie as they investigate a series of brutal murders, the victims of which all share the names and occupations of the disciples of Christ. The story begins with a body found bricked into a monastery wall and expands to encompass the breaking of the seven seals and the discovery of a book supposedly written by God.

I’m going to get the criticism out of the way early, because I really enjoyed this film and I’d rather end with the praise. The story makes very little sense to me. Even as I’m writing a brief synopsis of it, I keep thinking ‘that makes no sense.’ Personally (and maybe strangely) that didn’t bother me much at the time. And not much more now. In any event, it’s pretty clear that the filmmakers had more luck crafting a cool action movie than they did crafting a masterful storyline. (We are talking about a script written by Luc Besson, though, so if I were a betting man, I’d have wagered on a fantastic action move in the first place.)

My main problem with the storyline isn’t actually that it seems unlikely. I’m fine with unlikely storylines. Try working up an appreciation for martial arts, horror, and action movies without that vital attribute. But the characters seem completely disjointed from the material. It’s a story about discovering the most unbelievable treasure in the world. (Granted, it may have gotten lost in the subtitles from French that the book isn’t literally considered to be the work of God, but it’s still pretty damn important.) And the characters don’t approach it with nearly the weight you see in, say, The DaVinci Code (which is pretty similar, including the presence of a police inspector played by Jean Reno, as it happens).

Marie, the expert on Christian mythology, seems to know all about the current situation (which is, presumably, why she was called in to begin with) but doesn’t seem particularly fazed by it. So when the heroic trio recover a pendant belonging to Lothaire II, which Marie informs us is actually a key to the resting place of this book, she’s very matter-of-fact about it. It comes off sounding akin to this:

Me: “Hey Brian, can you give me a hand moving this dresser?”
Brian: “Sure. Doesn’t look that heavy though.”
Me: “Yeah, it shouldn’t be. But it turns out the bottom drawer is a gateway to Narnia.”
Brian. “Huh. Okay then. Where are we putting it?”

All that said, the mystery is still engaging enough that I wanted to see how it played out. Even if I didn’t think it carried the gravitas it should have (assuming I’m using that word correctly, and that isn’t likely).

On to the action (and the praise): Jean Reno is excellent. I love this guy. Have done ever since The Professional (aka León). La Femme Nikita, Ronin, Wasabi, etc. The guy’s just cool. It’s been proven. By science.

Then there’s Reda. He was a surprise hit. Benoît Magimel may be a well-known actor in France. But I’d certainly never heard of him. So it was a welcome surprise when, in the intro scene for Reda, he engages in one of the best “realistic” fight sequences I’ve seen in a long time. If you’re a fan of the fight sequences in The Bourne Identity and Supremacy or the latest Bond film—Casino Royale—you’ll probably enjoy this one. Speaking of Casino Royale, Angels of the Apocalypse also features a really good foot chase in which parkour features heavily. Not surprisingly, the prey in that chase is played by none other than Besson favourite Cyril Raffaelli, who played a villain opposite Jet Li in Besson’s Kiss of the Dragon, but really came into his own as a hero in the more recent parkour/martial arts crossover Banlieu 13 (known to American audiences, who apparently can’t be trusted to pronounce French words, simply as B13).

Raffaelli, though, doesn’t get any face time in this movie. Had I not seen his name in the credits, I’m not sure I would’ve known it was him. (After all, parkour originate in France, and they’ve probably got a lot of parkour artists over there.) He plays one (or more) of the mysterious hooded monks who consistently foil our heroes’ efforts to unravel the murder case. He’s always donning a cowl and robes, so you never see his features. Sounds like a small thing, but it really is very effective in making the monks seem like a real menace. (That and their ability to leap from buildings, launch Reda with a kick, and shoot crossbows with deadly accuracy, that is.)

[Spoiler alert] Christopher Lee, not surprisingly, does a nice job as the nefarious mastermind behind it all. This guy could play “evil” in his sleep. And while he doesn’t get as much screen time as I might have liked, he does handle what little menace isn’t already taken care of by the faceless monks.

This movie does suffer from one of the most literal “deus ex machina” endings I’ve ever seen. And some viewers may find it a little disappointing. But on balance, Reno and Magimel have enough charisma and the film enough action that (if you’re anything like me) you’ll be very inclined to forgive this movie its shortcomings for the sake of a roof-jumping, clip-emptying, car-bombing good time.

If Die Hard had ever sidled up to The DaVinci Code in a bar, after The DaVinci Code had recently been dumped and was feeling particularly vulnerable, Crimson Rivers: Angels of the Apocalypse would likely have been the (French) result.